The First Marriage

He was charming but unwilling to grow up....my Peter Pan....who cheated on me and broke my heart....and it still has not healed, mended or led me to any wonderful incite on love and divorce. I thought I put it to rest....I remarried, very happily ... together 23 years....but upon the death of my beloved husband I am faced once again with the pain of trying to reconcile the demise my 1st marriage. Once I love, I love forever even if the desire to reunite is not there....just the desire to talk and try to figure it out....where I went wrong, even if I wasn't the cheater. How did it come to the point of you wanting someone else when I was supporting you through your recovery and sobriety, taking care of your parents in every way I could....how did it come that you did not respect my loyalty to you....how did you think it was ok to break those marriage vows....what God has joined together let no man put asunder? I had a lot of heartbreak and problems moving on....and I still do...because I meant those vows I took. I am trying to understand why you didn't?  And even if you grew tired me....how could you leave Cocoa? You loved that dog so very much. I could never have left her or you...turned my back on my obligations and vows....to chase a whimsy that didn't suit you in the end anyway? Why are/were you so willing to  leave us all behind?
These are questions I need sorted out....and thanks for hanging up on me when in 24 yrs it was the 2nd time I ever contacted you about anything  ...the 1st was the time I called crying to tell you that my husband had died. My mom and dad are gone...now my husband....I didn't know what to do or how to go on. In my panic and pain I turned to you. Thanks for your hostile indifference to the simple heartbreak and pain to someone you once vowed to love and cherish until death us do part. Are you really that cold hearted? I wasn't asking for you to come back...I was just reaching out in pain for some help and a conversation that might once and for all help me heal. I guess you really aren't the soft and compassionate man I thought you were....the one I fell in love with.